After changing my entire life for my new man, moving and losing the best friend I had in my ex. He dumped me. I couldn't believe it. No one could, he dumped me. He felt he was mentally cheating on me, because he couldn't stop thinking about his ex recently. They had dated over a year ago. I just didn't understand. There was my Karma. What I had feared the most had happend.
I was alone. I hadn't been alone in almost 3.5 years. I didn't know what to do with myself. In a way I was relieved. Now I would really be able to sort out my feelings. I was sad, I missed both the men I had loved, or at least thought I loved. And here I am now. Confused, trying to be strong, at times I am hopeless, at times I am sad, at times I am optimistic.
I decided I wanted to start seeing a therapist today so I could get out of this rut. My emotions being all over the place are getting to me and I need to figure out how to be happy. I found out yesterday that my first ex is dating someone else. I'm upset hes moving on but i should be happy for him. How can I be happy when I don't even know what I'm feeling for him. Do i miss his secuirty? I knew he loved me. Do I miss him? Do I still love him? I don't know, all these emotions are confusing me.
I am most certian my recent ex is getting back with his girlfriend. With the lovely invetion of facebook, nothing is a secret. I feel like a fool, I'm angry with myself. I did this to myself. There is no one else to blame. Was this fate? Was I meant to be in this situation as some sort of life lesson? And this is why I'm blogging. To document my jouney in finding happiness, in myself, on my own, forgivng myself. Healing, finding out who I am without a man to define me. This is my thearpy for myself.
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