Another good day yesterday. I was able to keep my mind clear the majority of the day. I don't know how long it's going to last, but I'm trying to be a better person and help people out as much as I can. My friend Mallorie is such a sweet girl but she has a past, which makes it hard for her to get a good job. Right now she has a part time job that she hates. But I was able to pull some strings and get her an interview for my current position (that I have 4 days left in). I fixed up her resume, helped her with a cover letter, and even helped her with a thank you letter. And she got the job! I'm so happy for her! I know this is going to be great for her self esteem, she can feel like shes being a better mother to her adorable 2 year old daughter, and maybe she can even find the confidence to get out of the relationship that she is so unhappy in. It makes me feel awesome that I can help someone out so much. I want to start doing good things for people. And even though my motive is getting good Karma back, at least its not money or something materialistic.
Last night, it was a little hard to fall asleep. I wasn't sad or anything, but sometimes my mind races. I'll fall in and out of consciousness thinking about things that make no sense, and I'll jerk myself awake and start where I left off. My mind races, about Kevin. And about how its funny that this is coming full circle. How both my relationships relate to each other. Tim is Kevin, and I am Tim's ex Jenny. Tim was happy with me he was moving on and his ex reappeared into his life, he reverted back into that boy that would desperately do anything to get back together with his ex. And here Kevin is, moving on with his new girlfriend. And here I am thinking about reappearing into Kevin's life. And then I think, I don't want to be Jenny. I don't want Kevin's new girlfriend to be falling in love with him, and here I come and rip him away from her. Just when he's moving on, just when he's becoming happy again. Its not fair to Kevin or his girlfriend. Just like it wasn't fair what Jenny did to Tim and I. I understand where she's coming from, they broke up a year ago, she's still single, the holidays came around, shes lonely and the man she dumped is happy with his new girlfriend. I can understand missing being in a relationship and being jealous. I am there now. Which is why I'm fighting myself hard to stay out of Kevin's life. I need to let them be happy together, I don't want to cause issues for someone I don't know. Any maybe its because I now see how that has a rippling affect.
Maybe I am learning some valuable life lesson. I'm learning to see things from different perspectives. Learning to listen to myself instead of acting rash. Learning from things I've done to other people, and things done to me. And after all this realizing, I revert. I am again thinking about how much I want Tim to figure out that Jenny isn't going to work out. And I want him to figure out that he wants to be with me. And I want to be back with him. Though not right now, in the future. And I hope in the future, I don't still think like that.
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